Fear isn't an obstacle; it's a marketing tactic

They want you to believe you're a problem to be solved. Don't buy it.

Picture me—legs dangling from the open door of a twin-engine airplane, parachute strapped to my back, harnesses triple-triple checked. Over the roar of the wind and metallic whir of propellers, someone yells, "You ready?" I give a thumbs up, swallowing the bilious terror in my throat and hoping my sweaty palms can grip the rip cord.

I'm facing my fear of flying and fear of falling. It's go-time.

Nope. No way. Never—and fear has nothing to do with it.

I'm not jumping because I don't want to.

Fear is a choice

I'm afraid of flying and bees and driving on very steep hills. But I'm not going to get my pilot's license, keep bees, or drive for Uber in San Francisco to eliminate my fear of stinging insects and gravity.

We're fine. I'll manage. Besides, overcoming fear is not a thing.

Fear, like happiness, is a choice—not a problem to be solved.

My voice shakes when I speak to a crowd. I take hours (or years) to write what I want to say; my fingers freeze over the keyboard. But I do these things anyway—because I want to. Fear be damned.

I'm talking about fear as an emotion, not to be confused with fight-or-flight survival instincts. Fear is not a choice for those whose survival relies on vigilance—it's a constant presence.

You think Skydiving is scary? Being a woman, especially black or trans, is far more likely to be fatal. When there is little to no equality, power, or autonomy, fear is a powerful authoritarian marketing tactic to keep it that way.

I digress (please see footnotes¹ for resources), but the point remains.

Fear Sells

For decades, my job was creating marketing strategies to spur potential customers into action.

• Step one: identify a problem that the customer has (even if they don't know it yet).

• Step two: create fear, anxiety and doubt

• Step three: swoop in with a solution

Fear is a powerful motivator for action—sales teams train in how to use it, and advertisers exploit it whenever they can—"I’ve fallen, and I can’t get up!”

Making women afraid of aging or feel bad about their bodies is a “gold mine.” Shame (fear’s cousin) drives sales, and marketing departments are very good at cooking up problems for new products to solve.

Dr. Jen Gunter

’s “Merchants of Shame,” is a must-read.

PREVENT SWAMPY, STICKY, SMELLY LADY PARTS (The actual marketing copy for this product.)

No one positions fear better than the wellness industry, but the self-improvement industrial complex is close.

You know what I’m talking about, right? The leadership and life coaches with tool-kits, symposiums, and classes; thought leaders building brands, selling books, and giving keynote speeches at sales conferences.

Confession: I’ve bought what they’re selling. My bookcase is Exhibit A.

Fear as a sub-genre in personal development publishing

If fear is the stick, desire is the carrot when it comes to selling. The most obvious examples are in fashion and beauty advertising. Also, cars, home goods, travel, alcohol—and SUCCESS.

ME: Look at the other women out there, climbing that corporate ladder, killing it on social media, paddle-boarding, warrior-posing, wine-making goddesses finding their purpose and living their dreams! I could have it all if only I weren’t so afraid.

MARKETING: Buy this book

I was a sucker for this one-two-punch marketing approach for years—Dare Greatly, Lean In, Make it Happen, Own It, Work It, You Are a Badass—without stopping to consider if I wanted a big life.

Did I want any piece of it, let alone all?

When I left my corporate career, I thought I’d broken the spell. But as recently as two weeks ago, I backslid into victimhood, wailing like Nancy Kerrigan, “Why, why, why?” I blamed fear of judgment, fear of failing, fear of success, and all the other fears for every unchecked item on my to-do list.

Then my therapist asked, “What would happen if you didn’t do any of it?”

I looked at the piles of books, folders, and notepads spilling over my desk, each labeled for a different goal—writing groups, freelance, essays, editing. Don’t do any of it? I was so wrapped up in the hype I hadn’t considered the option.

As I cleared the decks, recycled to-do lists, and shelved a dozen books I “should” review, I listened for judgment and shame to object and waited for fear to appear like a kettlebell swinging inside my rib cage.

Nothing.

No fear. No regret. Just this realization.

I didn’t want to do any of it—at least not all at once and not right now.

Fearless-ish

The opposite of fear isn’t bravery; it’s contentment.

Current trends, statistics, history, and perhaps most of all, motherhood—make fear a woman’s constant companion.

Our fears have become systemic—a near universal “problem” that marketers can exploit to sell miracle solutions to crack the glass ceiling, recapture our youth, and find true happiness.

Lean in if you want to. Jump out of an airplane if you must. Have it all or have none of it, but look out for messages that make your fears a problem to be solved. They’re not.

“When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid.” —Audre Lorde

Wherever you think fear is holding you back, imagine yourself at 10,000 feet, sifting through your lists of shoulds and must-dos. One by one, toss them out the airplane’s open door.

Tell me. Is there one you want badly enough to ignore your fear of falling, and jump?

Or do you unbuckle your triple-triple-checked harnesses in preparation to walk away instead of taking the leap?

Work hard. Be as brave as you want to be. Believe.

Catherine

🏳️‍⚧️♀️🌈💖

As we continue to face disruption, disinformation, and confusion (also effective marketing tactics), my small contribution to the resistance is to use this platform to share information and resources —particularly on issues affecting girls, women, transwomen, and gender-expansive people — as I’ve done below and in the footnotes.

I wrote about fear as a choice in this post while keenly aware that my fears are not existential. The Human Rights Campaign has tools to help empower its supporters against attacks on the most marginalized among us. 🟰 Learn more.

Thank you.

1. Sky diving has a 0.000027% fatality rate, according to the United States Parachute Association. Whereas…

Nearly three women are murdered every single day by a domestic partner in the U.S. Source: Sanctuary for Families, “Silent Epidemic of Femicide in the U.S.

One in three women globally have experienced physical and/or sexual violence.
Source: UN’s Global Database on Violence Against Women and Girls

In the last 12 months, 30 trans-gender or gender-expansive people were killed in the United States. Source: Human Rights Campaign 2024 Report, Epidemic of Violence