Who's driving your dreams? Luck or Fortune
How I learned the difference and put myself in the driver's seat
Women are always reinventing because change is unrelenting, and we are restless, resilient, and rebellious. Amid Life is a weekly newsletter about writing new chapters.
Felix buys a lottery ticket now and then—usually when the jackpot tops nine figures. "Why not?" He says. "It's fun to dream." There's a shrimp-pink receipt on the kitchen island for last night's Powerball drawing.
Sure, fine, okay. I've fantasized about what to do with Megabucks winnings: help for my family, a house in St. John, a non-profit foundation that lifts women out of poverty, my very own library. But I rarely spend money on chance.
Though I pick up pennies, pull at wishbones, and blow out birthday candles, I don't believe in luck.
Luck appears like lightning flashes. It's ephemeral, unpredictable, and dangerous.
Luck is a hoax
It's why Elon Musk can dangle (potentially illegal) million-dollar chances in return for election favor. It's why Major League sport's profits will surge $4.2 Billion from their alliance with online betting.1
And state lotteries? Let's face it: they're a marketing gimmick that makes it easy to tax the poor2 instead of making the rich pay their fair share for things like schools.
<Clears throat. Dismounts from her soapbox.>
Felix and I say we're lucky, but we're not lucky.
Our odds of being struck by lightning or winning the lottery are the same as yours. And, by the way, according to the National Weather Service, your "odds of getting struck by lightning [are] nearly 20,000 times higher than hitting the winning numbers for the next jackpot."
We're fortunate.
We're privileged too, of course, by virtue of our complexions and European family trees that helped pave our way since birth.
Lightning never strikes twice
Is that lucky? No, that's a myth. Lightning can strike the same place over and over again—that's a fact.
What if I place an acorn in the window to prevent lightning strikes? That's a superstition.
Superstitions are magical thinking—beliefs that one thing will cause another when those two things are unrelated. Like, a black cat crossing your path foretells bad luck, and see a penny, pick it up and all day you'll have good luck.
She’s a deceitful motherfucker, that lady luck. Luck can change. Luck can run out. There's bad luck and tough luck, and no luck at all.
Luck is an obfuscation. "We use it to express envy ("You're so lucky!"). We use it," writes
to "deny ourselves credit and agency."Yup. I'll admit it. I've often demurred—I just got lucky—instead of owning my hard work and success. Fuck luck. I'm smart and tenacious, and I worked my butt off.
Which reminds me, you know who else isn't lucky? Taylor Swift. As one of her songs goes3…
The luck of the draw only draws the unlucky
I hope I don't sound too much of a Debbie downer, a wet blanket—a nob. I love how the Brits say "bad luck" instead of "too bad." I'm a lucky girl, thank my lucky stars. I've had some beginner's luck with Substack lately, but maybe this is pushing it. Wish me luck!
I don't like luck because it's passive. Luck happens to us.
Luck won't let me drive; it makes me sit in the passenger seat, and if I start to rely on it too much—the way I do on GPS—I lose my ability to navigate. Worse, I lose faith that I can get myself where I want to go.
This distinction is critical because I am passionate about agency. I favor action over waiting and wishing. It wasn't always so.
In my 30s, scratch tickets were an unaffordable luxury. Anyway, wishing on stars was more my style. A single mother of two, living paycheck to paycheck, one unlucky break away from public assistance, I'd stand on my back porch, huddled in my red clearance-sale barn coat, and smoke a Marlboro Ultra-Light while casting my hopes to the heavens.
So many nights, I wished for my luck to change. I gambled on rescue—of the white knight, prince charming variety. That.Did.Not.Work.Out.
Make your own luck
I came across a piece of advice in a magazine—I think it was in the late 90s when I had too much credit card debt, too little job growth, and two divorce decrees.
It's time to take realistic action—trade some of that spending for saving, finally write up your resume, take a hard look at your lover—and recognize that you can be responsible for your happiness and success.
In my 40s and 50s, I took the wheel, set course, and hit the gas. As I pass each milestone, I'm learning to give myself credit. Success or failure—I made my own luck.
Finding this little corner of Vermont was lucky. As we stood in a hilly meadow and looked around, Felix and I were struck by the same lightning bolt at the same time. Here!⚡
Building a relationship and turning a wreck of an old farmhouse into a home required intention and effort, and we are fortunate to have realized this dream together.
The Powerball numbers were drawn last night; someone in Georgia will collect the jackpot, and we’ll toss the ticket into the wood stove—a dollar spent on a dream.
The clipping still sits on my desk today, worn and faded. That magazine advice was my winning ticket—a life-changer.
Work hard. Be Brave. Believe.
Catherine
Fill in the blanks, post your response in the comments, or—even better!— on Notes (Please tag me; I’d love to see your thoughts). Here’s mine:
Sports betting has the worst impact on the most vulnerable households, where credit scores decrease and debt rises.
On average, people who make less than $10,000 spend 6% of their income on lottery tickets. Papers have been written on the topic. Here’s one.