8 Personal discoveries I'm taking into 2025
What do self-care, Disney, anti-depressants, cat litter, and small acts of protest have in common?
My list of 2024 discoveries might as well be titled Last to Know or Late to the Party. As is the case with most of my personal insight, the digging takes time.
For instance, last year, I “discovered” the “new” generation of Disney Movies. Have you seen Moana? Inside-Out? Encanto? Female-led, emotionally rich. And, yes, surely problematic in any number of ways (because Disney), but Moana, in particular, arrived for me when I needed catharsis.
1. Moana
I borrowed my daughter’s Disney Plus identity to watch it last summer after hearing
talk about the film with Debbie Milman on her Design Matters podcast. This is my abridged version of how Emily described the story.1“Moana is the maori word for ocean. Moana is called by the ocean to cross the horizon, and restore the heart of te Fiti.”
Moana is the maori word for ocean. She is called by the ocean.
She is called by herself.”
I watched the movie at an Airbnb by the ocean, which I’d booked for a solo writing retreat to work on my memoir.
“[Moana] meets her last, worst enemy, which, of course, is a part of herself. It is a lava monster named Taka that's throwing balls of lava at her…. And so she says to the ocean, which is herself, let her come to me.
She turns toward the scariest, most difficult, uncomfortable part of herself, the most injured part of herself, the most wounded, and therefore raging part of herself with wisdom and compassion and courage. And she says, I have crossed the horizon to find you.”
I’d only crossed the Cape Cod Canal, but the mission was the same. I’d crossed a narrow strip of ocean to confront the most uncomfortable parts of myself.
“And she puts her forehead against the lava monster's forehead, and they breathe each other's air, and … the lava crumbles away, and [the monster] turns into te Fiti, the goddess of life and abundance.”
Now, to be honest, had I not heard Emily’s take on Moana as Jungian metaphor, I might have missed that Moana’s battle was with herself — “the most difficult, dangerous, self-critical part,” as Emily described it.
And if I can turn toward that part of myself with courage and compassion and recognize that this has the potential to be actually the most powerful source of life and abundance and creativity inside me….
Night one of my retreat, and I couldn’t stop crying. But there was work to do.
2. Sliding cat litter
Fifteen-year-old Kitty has the beginnings of kidney failure. I call her Lady Pees-A-Lot, now, and if you have a cat, you know what a mess the litter box is, so I recommend Arm & Hammer Sliding Cat Litter—game changer. Now we have less resentment between us.
3. A blow-dryer that’s also a brush
I never could juggle the round brush and a blow dryer at the same time. Add frozen shoulder, gray, and weird post-menopausal hair texture to the mix, and I looked like “a thing with feathers” minus all hope. These gadgets have probably been around forever, but the find was new to me. Returning the shine to my hair had this weird glimmering effect. Was that me in the mirror? After a tiny investment in a beauty product, was I shining a bit brighter? Perhaps hope ought not to be abandoned.
4. Collagen peptides
One scoop in my morning coffee and my nails no longer look or feel like garlic skins.
5. Dermatology
Having nothing to do with Botox (I’ve been shooting up — just a little in the 11’s — since 2019) and everything to do with cancer.
The closest dermatologist to my Vermont farmhouse is a 90-minute drive with a four-month waiting list. It was an ENT that removed the weird little horn on my neck. A wart. A virus. No big deal, they said. A week later, I was prescribed chemo cream as a precaution.
I immediately made an appointment for a full body scan despite my primary care physician’s “nothing-to-worry-about” opinion. Five months later, a tongue-sized and shaped chunk was removed from my arm.
Learn to trust your instincts. SPF 70, hats, and annual scans from now on.
6. Anti-social writing retreats
In Lonely Planet, now streaming on Netflix, Laura Dern plays a writer who goes to a writing retreat to <gasp> write while all the other writers are networking, schmoozing, and circle-jerking like the tech-sector corporate retreats of my past career.
The point of a writing retreat is to write, not socialize.
ASR (anti-social retreats) were actually a 2023 discovery, and all credit goes to
. As many days as one can afford in a rented or borrowed house. No responsibilities other than to feed yourself and your art. Bring a friend, but don’t talk until dinnertime.I’m about to embark on my fourth such get-away—this time I’ll be my only company. Like a bear laboring during hibernation, I hope to give birth to my book.
7. Handcrafts
Can cross stitch replace doom-scrolling and snacking while watching TV? Stay tuned for the results.
8. Wellbutrin
At the opening of my memoir, the narrator has everything she’s ever aspired to, and yet she is unwell and unhappy. Spoiler alert: she’s in peri-menopause and burned out at work.
That was seven years ago, so why was it happening again in 2024?
For much of last year, my body grew stiffer and more out of balance—even as I was eating better, drinking less, and had dropped 15 pounds!
I had a new grandson—my first! and perfect. Felix and I were stronger than ever. I had as many things or more to be grateful for than to worry about. And yet...
I was prone to tearing up at random moments. I couldn’t concentrate or focus on the work I’d always wanted to do and now had all the time in the world to do, so what the heck was wrong with me? Blrrrghh.
I asked my doctor for a solution. “Got anything that will help me focus, stop crying, and not make me gain weight?”
Months into the lowest daily dose (talk therapy, too) of antidepressants, and the cloud has lifted. I’ve found a new drishti (a central focal point) and am making better decisions to build a balanced life—the kind that doesn’t wear me down with ambition, comparison, and expectations.
Which brings us to 2024’s common element:
Perspective
"We do not know what will happen. But we can know who we can commit to be in the face of what happens." —Rebecca Solnit, The Guardian November 9, 2024
After the election, my friend
and I got matching tattoos as both a form of protest and a symbol of power—a reminder that our voices matter.
It was a little thing. Like small acts of caring for a small animal or art or ourselves.
For all the privilege, luck, good fortune, and hard-won bounty in my life, there is an equal amount of heartbreak, chaos, destruction, and evil in the world. The best I can do is find balance. Make choices that feed me.
“Color myself from the inside,” as my therapist says.
Whatever it takes to call myself back to myself and awaken my goddess of life and abundance.
Work hard. Be brave. Believe.
Catherine
Read the full transcript here: https://deepcast.fm/episode/emily-nagoski-phd#transcript
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