Review 2022: Make goals, not resolutions.

It’s not about the destination—it’s the landmarks you reach that matter.

I do not make New Year’s resolutions. To resolve is to declare firmly, “I will do this—this year! All year! Forever! That’s a lot of commitment.

A goal, on the other hand, is softer. Not as soft as wishful thinking—you don’t set goals when you blow out birthday candles, break the bigger piece of the wishbone, or see a shooting star—a goal is a distant but reasonable thing we aspire toward and plan to put in the effort to reach.

At work, I set multi-year business goals and celebrated the landmarks that signaled we were on our way to success. But every New Year’s Day, I’d eat the last Christmas cookies and resolve to achieve the unachievable by the end of the year. (Two words: gym membership.)

Then, in the early ‘00s, I had my palm read, and the futility of resolutions became clear. In a small white house in Nashua, New Hampshire, I sat at the vinyl-cloth-covered dining room table while a psychic traced her thumb from my index finger to my wrist. She looked into my eyes and asked, “Do you have a man? I see a man.”

I’d been single for ten years, my children were in college, and I wasn’t getting any younger. I looked at my hand and tried to find what she saw between the lines. “When will I meet this man? Where is he? I need details.”

“Well, he isn’t going to knock on your door,” the psychic said. “You’ll have to get out there and look.”

A goal isn’t just the thing you want, it’s also what you must do to get it—an imperative, grammatically speaking. So, that’s why my 2022 goals read like a list of demands!

I’ll get back to the palm reader in a minute. Stick with me. My goals this year were as follows:

1. Write a Book—complete a solid draft of my memoir before my birthday in July.

2. Make Money—declare a profit on this year’s tax return.

3. Build Connections—engage new friends and launch a local writers’ group.

If these had been resolutions, I’d be spiraling in a swirling vortex of failure, shame, and blame—no draft, no profit, no writer’s group.

Yet.

Landmark: A feature used for navigation, a point of orientation, a development that marks a turning point.

Instead of “did I get what I wanted?” I’m trying to focus on the efforts I made to move closer to my goals. Or, as my dad once told me, “Any progress is progress.”

1. I didn’t “write a book.” But I did arrange 91,563 words in a document. It’s barely a shitty first draft, but I know what book it will become, and the work is just beginning. Progress.

2. I didn’t make much from my writing this year, but profit was never the point. Then again, I suppose the IRS won’t allow me to deduct the cost of 36 books (for research, obviously), one ergonomic office chair, four ink cartridges, and three writing workshops. Womp. Womp. But my back is happier. Progress.

3. The introvert in me wonders why I would aim to build connections—with people!? The struggle is real. And yet, I celebrated, traveled, and mind-melded with so many incredible people this year—online and IRL. Spoken word events, writing workshops and writers’ groups, girls’ getaways, community leader forums, and YOU! Thanks, new subscribers! The Reinspired Life keeps growing. Progress.

Resolving and wishing never got me very far. As the psychic predicted, no prince charming ever knocked on my front door. However, I opened that door anyway and walked straight to Meetups, wine tastings, ski clubs, and volunteer events. I said yes to blind dates and signed up for Match—squeamishly pointing and clicking through potential suitors (these were the days before ubiquitous swiping).

About a year after the psychic’s prescient finger traced a path across my palm, I found that foretold man—and he is as tall as he claimed in his online profile. Fifteen years later, we’re still working toward our shared goal of happily-ever us.

Work hard. Be brave. Believe.

Prompts to reinspire your next chapter

Drop a few lines of writing in the comments, and I’ll share mine too. There is only one rule. Be kind to yourself as you write and to others as they trust us with their words.

• Reflection: Think of a physical landmark that has meaning to you. It could be as iconic as the Taj Mahal or as familiar as the big red barn on the corner. Describe the landmark in as much detail as possible—what does it look like, are there sounds and smells? What about the people who visit or own this place? Set a timer for ten minutes and write freely.

• Inspiration: Use that same landmark to navigate to a new destination. It could be that the landmark signifies you’re close to home. Or, maybe your landmark marks a turning point. Now what? Write about your desired destination and what you will do to get there.

Last to Know

A few links on the theme of progress…

I only just learned that the Little Engine in the classic children’s book The Little Engine that Could is a girl. All the boy trains couldn’t or wouldn’t help push the broken train up the hill, but you know who could? This NPR story, broadcast in 2014, tells the story of the little blue engine as a feminist icon.

2022 was terrible for women (Dobbs, Iran). However, Ms. Magazine has rounded up the year’s “Ten Big Feminist Wins,” including equal pay on the soccer field, Justice Ketenji Brown Jackson, free period products in Scotland, and voter-protected abortion rights in Latin America and six additional states here at home. We keep fighting!

Practice progress with Austin Kleon’s 31-Day Suck Less Challenge. Or join me as I commit to doing a 30-day Yoga Challenge in January. Not a resolution, just a commitment! The goal is to practice.

Finally, enjoy this free link to an article in the New York Times. “Luddite Kids Don’t Want Your Likes” is about kids who are snubbing screen time. Given our hate-but-can’t-stop relationship with social media (see last month’s post), this feels like progress or, at least, a seed of hope for future generations.

New words

• Read my essay “Proverbs,” published in the Fall 2022 issue of American Literary Review.

• Coming in February, my third article for AARP’s The Ethel. Read my earlier contributions.

• Curious about the book I’m writing? The working title is Typing Lessons. Read this archived post for more clues.

What’s next?

I confess to one resolution this year (because I kept it!) I read or listened to 60 books—from poetry to personal growth, fiction and nonfiction. You can find my list on Goodreads — OR — make sure you are subscribed to this newsletter, so you don’t miss a special extra Reinspiring Reads edition—dropping before the end of the year, just in time to help spend those independent bookstore holiday gift cards.